The other day I had to approve the ad that LaFayette is putting in the paper to advertise for my replacement. Now, I realize that this is temporary, but I love my job and my kids... and I don't want anyone else to have it, or them. I'm bummed that I'll have to be away for so long. Sure, I complain about the kids a bit, but the reality is that they are a huge part of what makes my job/student loans worthwhile. This job is my calling. I think that I should be able to write my own ad, with my own job specifications. This is how it would go (any names have been changed of course):
SCHOOL COUNSELOR: Long term substitute school counselor position available. Interested candidates who believe this position should still be called "Guidance Counselor" need not apply. Likewise, those who read the word "substitute" and thought, even for a second, that it might mean a chance at anything more permanent need not apply, and should run before the current full-time job holder kicks your ass for even suggesting it. School Counselor (not teaching assistant!!!) certification required. Other requirements include a high tolerance for drama, a willingness to laugh hysterically at even the dumbest junior high jokes, and the ability to remain empathic when the smell of a 13 year old boy's shoes is strong enough to singe your nose hairs.
Applicant's must remember the door must be left open at least a few inches for Sarah, that you can never turn your back on Kurt (who likes to mix playdoh-- NO MIXING!!), and that Jenny will only share feelings if you make her laugh first. Must be prepared to accept the inability to make Liz feel any less lonely, and must get over-the-top, freakishly excited at Mike's passing grades to encourage future progress. Must have prior experience breaking the ice, dealing with parents who are overprotective, underprepared, and just flat out absent. Must know how to clean a locker in 20 minutes, patch a broken frienship in 30 minutes, and respond to a crisis no matter how long it takes. Must keep even the most hilarious or heart-wrenching conversations as confidential as ethically possible.
Applicants must LOVE these kids and care for them like a surrogate parent for 7 hours a day, 5 days a week. Applicant must respect the amount of time and effort previously devoted by current job holder to developing and fostering close, comfortable, trusting and safe relationships with all students. However, applicant must not get so attached that relationships become dependent, or students lose the ability to cope on their own. Must be willing to sacrifice said relationship for the better interests of the student when necessary.
Most importantly, applicants must feel the need to better the lives of awkward, smelly, but endlessly entertaining junior high students from the very bottom of their soul. Anything less is unacceptable.
Sigh... these are my KIDS we're talking about!
3 comments:
I love it!
Just think -- this is how you feel about someone else's child -- can you even imagine how you will feel about your own??
Love it!!!!!! I feel ya on the playdoh too..... How much time off are you taking???
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