Dear Carter,

Dear Carter,

We've come a long way, you and I. It took me a fair amount of time to get used to you -- to begin to decode you're crying and and to learn what makes you happy and how to help you. Now that we know each other better, I can't possibly imagine my life without you. In fact, now there are days when I just can't take my eyes off of you... even though it literally hurts to look at you and love you so much that I can't figure out words, thoughts or even a gesture to begin to show you how I feel.

Today is one of those days.


Today, you fell asleep in my arms after you woke up from your nap too early and were still sleepy. You were swaddled all tight like a little inchworm, and you were so sweet. It was one of the many moments where I can't help but to cry when I looked at you, because I'm just so thankful that you're here and you're mine. I'm pretty sure time stopped for a minute, and I definitely forgot to breathe. I thought about how, someday, you'll be too big to sleep in my arms, and I vowed to remember a few of the very special things about you. Here are a few of them I hope to never forget:

• When you're falling asleep, you keep one eye just a little bit open, and that little eye follows my face wherever I move to. Then, right before you drift off, you smile at me.
  
• The way your toes curl up so tight when you're eating.
• The way you grab my face between your teeny little palms when I kiss your belly and try to pull me closer so you can eat me :)
• Your giant, full faced, toothless grin -- no sound comes out, but you say a thousand words with that face.
  
• The way your breath gets fast and loud when you're excited... usually because you've found something to put in your mouth.
• The way you open your mouth and flare your lips when you see a bottle, like a little bird.
• Your bald spot... how it's soft and warm, and a little bit prickly to kiss.
• How, when you're really happy, you squirm so much -- your arms and legs flail with reckless abandon and you squeal like your whole life depends on it.
• The way you lean on me when you first wake up... cheek to cheek, all warm and cuddly, and tangle your fingers in my hair.

Someday, before we know it, you'll be a boy instead of a baby. I'm sure I'll have a list of things that I want to remember about you then, too, but right now at five months old you have absolutely become the center of my world and the adorable little things you do without even knowing it are the things that I wish I could bottle up and save so that I'd have them forever.